He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
