I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
