She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
