I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
