Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
