I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I deserve this hangover.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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