have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
