dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we're making bets on your personal life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
