I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
