In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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