dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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