You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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