just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
