Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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