In the future we'll all be gay
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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