maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
