thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
