Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
