When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
