Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
