Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
