and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
