babies were throwing up all over the place
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
