Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
