i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
