tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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