walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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