We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
