he wants to bone in the snuggie
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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