He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
