So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
