so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
