I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
