I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am naked and annoyed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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