I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
