If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
