I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
