i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
