Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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