We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
