whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
