Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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