first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
