she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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