Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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