Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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