I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
