I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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