i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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