My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
