It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
